The Number Five

About a month ago Hermana Kjones and I visited a local Maverick and noticed an odd new drinking straw by the cash register.  The box was covered with horrible graphics and visually screamed “The Chiller!”  Curious as to their use, we asked the cashier.  She assured us they were “awesome.”  We laughed, and left.  Why would we buy a $1 aluminum straw, when the free ones work just fine?

Cut to this weekend when Miss Reale and I decided to throw down the money and make the purchase and HOLY CRAP!!! The Chiller! has blown my mind!

It’s amazing.  Honestly.  It’s worth 100 of anyones pennies.  Why?  You need to know why?  I’ll tell you why.  It keeps your drink cold, all the way to your lips.  I bet you didn’t even know you wanted that to happen…right?  Dudes, I’ve been drinking Diet Coke for years and I had no idea it could get better.

Well my friends, it did.  The game has changed. Completely. I’d exhort you to try it for yourselves.

I’ve decided I want to try as many glass-bottled root beer’s as I can find. I’ve been picking them up as I see them, and will be sharing my thoughts with you here. Why? I have no idea…other than drinking glass-bottled soda’s makes me happy. And I have a fridge full of them to prove it.

Today’s test: Maine Root Root Beer.

The whole shtick behind this brew is that it’s organically sweetened and environmentally friendly. No chemicals, or artificial sweeteners. Just bold, simple, root beer. The marketing gimmicks convinced me to give it a try….but I’m not convinced. It tastes good at first, but has one funky aftertaste. I think they spent a little too much time on making sure they used good stuff to make it, rather than making it be good stuff. Know what I mean?

3 out of 5 stars.

A couple weeks ago my friend Erica asked me if I had ever tried the Chinese buffet here in town.  I answered no.  Then she told me they have a clown on Monday nights… and the I asked when we were going.

The “Chinese Gourmet” is one of those places you see so often, but never think try. There’s just something about 40 feet of neon love screaming at you, that makes it easy to skip*.   With the clown revelation, we decided it was time to go.

What I didn’t expect to see was the incredable variety of foods.  I mean, spring rolls, fried rice, scones,  and Mac ‘n Cheese at the same station? Genius.

After our first “real” round of food, we decided (kind of by accident), to have a ridicouls plate round. Erica came up big with the spring roll, mashed potatoes & gravy, cobbler and Jell-O plate.

I went for all yellow.

I dare say it was a success….well, except the clown was a no show.  At least there’s always the future.

*Last year the marquee proclaimed that David Archuletta could eat there for free, for life.

I cooked tonight, and because I have no idea about portions, now have a freezer full of minestrone soup.  I loved it once, but can gaurentee I will hate it by the 10th time.

I should just stick to eating out.

There is nothing for a vegetarian at Arby’s. Nothing. Plus, they serve Pepsi.

I have no idea how they stay in business.

I was tagged by Miss Frances to write about six of my quirks.  I heartily guffawed at the idea of this, because honestly, I don’t have that many quirks (your turn to guffaw).   After I regained my composure I started to make a list.  That list quickly grew into a page, and now I have widdled it down to just six.  Enjoy. 

1.  I have to something crunchy in my soft food.  Always.  With out question.  I put chips on my sandwiches, peanuts in my teriyaki bowls, even cereal in my yogurt.  Yep, strange…I know.  

2.  I crack/flex my right wrist constantly.  The history behind this includes a nasty case of tendonitis as a high school drummer.  Now I have a significant bone spur that sometimes catches that same tendon.  I flex my wrist to pop it out of the way.  Sick, I know…but well, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

3.  I have a paralyzing fear of glitter.  I have been known to stop dead in my tracks, drop things, and blatantly refuse to touch items with any amount of glitter on them.  Why, you ask?  It sticks with you FOREVER.  That piece of glitter on your bed sheets?  It’s probably from that birthday card your aunt sent you in the sixth grade.  Not cool.

4. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 8, though sometimes I have to eat a club sandwich.  Don’t judge, or ask why.  There is no reasonable explanation.

5. I pick up accents, any and all accents.  I often get asked if I’m from New York or Minnesota.  The irony? I grew up in Northern California, the home of “flat” English. 

6. I make my bed before I leave my room in the morning.  Yep, before showering or even a potty stop.  I then proceed to go through the exact same routine before I set foot in the bathroom: make bed, walk to fridge: drink DanActive, open window blinds (starting in the family room….this is the part when the potty dance starts), open the kitchen blinds, then finally make it to the shower.

So, there you have it.  Six of my quirks.  Chances are if you know me, and read this blog, you have a few examples yourself…please feel free to share.  Heaven knows I have only scratched the surface.

And, to pass on the self-examination, I tag: Chelsea, Kate, Jen, Jamie and Sarah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’ve been absent on the blog front, but let’s be honest…this summer has been a continuous roller-coaster of emotion that I wasn’t prepared for.  So, I decided to try to regroup in the real world.  I’m not sure how well that has panned out, but, well, I’m trying.

That said, I’ve decided it’s time to jump back out there and let you all judge my thoughts, mishaps, and ramblings.  So, if you care, please note that I’ll be writing regularly again, starting today.  

OK?  Now get off my back.

Seeing as I have spent the whole of today in bed (except the 30 minutes I attempted to go to work…I ended up puking at the gas station), I have gotten beyond caught up on blogs.  I found a new favorite.  Go check it out, and then come back here Wednesday (by then I should have held enough food down to have the strength to be funny).

This afternoon I ventured up the canyon to a famous local diner. I typically only go there for breakfast, but today was weird, so we went for lunch.

After weighing the pros and cons of all my lunch possibilities, I settled on the garden burger. It turned out that this was no ordinary garden burger, this was The Best Garden Burger in The World. The bun was soft, but not soggy, fresh sprouts (the big crunchy ones!), lettuce, et all. I savored the burger much like a Trekkie would a TBS marathon. I tried not to distract my lunch dates with the ohhs and ahhs of the sandwiches greatness, but let them know it’s beauty nonetheless. (Actually, all of us were a bit reluctant to talk to each other at all due to our table neighbors drunkin rambles. They were much more entertaining.)

So, I tell you this tale of burger wonder and joy only to pose this question: Why is it that now, eight hours and a dinner meal later, that I am still burping the one, half slice, of dill pickle that was on the side?

It’s a tragedy at best.

I happen to be very sensitive to noise. I know, I know, I love music. In fact music, orchestrated noise ( if you will), is a HUGE pary of my life. Over the course of the last year or so, the roomate and I have desinged a wall of exactly 12 clocks on the wall of our family room. It’s a very attractive addition to our humble home, but the noise these clocks produce is enough to make me pull everyone of my nose hairs out.** I have been known to stay in my room rather than brave the ticking wall of madness.

Lately, if I choose to sit on the couch and surf the innerweb, I have taken to playing my clothes-dryer white noise CD, or turning on the TV. When the roomate is surfing with me, we usually turn on the TV (she prefers Extreme Makeover, I Dog the Bounty Hunter). The pleasent drone of nonsense spewed from the tube perfectly masks the ticking beat of the clocks. Tonight I hit a snag. During a two year old repeat of Extrmeme Makeover, a new comercial for Peanut Butter M&M’s came on. The spot features Puss and Donkey of Shrek fame licking their chops….the noise made my teeth itch. Their tongues smacking and licking. Serioously, it was too much. I may rethink seing the third Shrek.***

I am so conflicted, the TV is supposed to save me, not add to the pain.

* Yes, I know this is very witting.
**Per my frustration, only 3 of the clocks are working.
***I’ve never seen the other two.

The other night at a local McDonald’s I had the following conversation while ordering:

“I would like 2 regular cheeseburgers, 2 cheeseburgers no meat*, a large order of French fries, and a large Diet Coke with lemon.”
“Ummm, ok. You gets a 2 cheeseburga**, a double cheeseburga no meat, French fries, and diet coke.”
“….no, that’s not it…”

Instead of boring you, the reader, with the remainder of the hurried conversation, I am going to assume your intelligence, and hope that you realized the ridiculousness of what the man assumed my order had been. I know some of you may think it is odd in and of itself that I would pay 99 cents for a bun with cheese and ketchup, but that is your own issue. I’m not scared. I just hope that you further realize that I am not stupid enough to pay twice as much for half the food desired.

So I ask the question now that McDonald man must have asked himself while I ordered: Why would anyone order a double cheeseburger with no meat?

To answer plainly, they wouldn’t. And neither did I…

*I’m a vegetarianism.
**Chinese accent.