The Number Five

I suck at blogging. I used to be good at it. Then life came at my full force, so I stopped writing. (Because maybe if I didn’t write about it, it wouldn’t be really happening?) Either way here’s a list of topics that could each be a post, but instead will only be points. Good luck.

1. Twizzler’s made a brilliant move with the Super Long Nibs. Ok, maybe not in the naming department, but the candy is genius. I love them. They were the candy of my dreams for a long, long time. And now that dream is a reality, and I dig it.

2. I’ve started juicing. Not steroids juicing, but fruit/vegetable juicing. It’s kind of awesome. And I am consuming more fruits and veggies than I ever have in my life.

3. I need to wear sunscreen.

4. I say awesome, dude, & yo way too much to be a respectful adult. I’m ok with it, yo.

5. Sunshine is better than therapy. And cheaper. (But painful without the sunscreen).

6. I High-5′d somewhere around 65 people on National High-5 day. (I still think it should be May 5th, and not April 19th).

7. I have been awoken by flashing police lights swirling through my bedroom window twice in the last two weeks. Scares the crap out of me when it happens. Mostly due the craziness of the lights in my room when I don’t have my glasses on (I’m legally blind).

8. This is the 8th point. But really, there is not point 8.

My father was a dentist (my only dentist) until I was 29 years old. When I tell that to most people they say something about “I bet you were never able to eat candy,” or, ” I bet you’re awesome at flossing.” Neither are even remotely close to the truth. In fact, we never made appointments. We never had teeth cleaning. The only time I got work done was the middle of the night when I had a tooth ache. Well, maybe that’s not the only time…. but it was close. And I remember more than once my Dad “numbing” up a tooth between early morning seminary and school (in the car). But, I digress.

When I joined the ranks of real adulthood a few years back, I got giddy with excitement about the chance to get my teeth cleaned regularly, and have insurance pay for it. I’m almost a nerd about it. Ok, I am a nerd about it. I refuse to miss the appointment. I brag that I went, and like to act like people should even care. But for me, I really do care. Cause, I’m a real grown-up that gets me teeth cleaned. Twice a year. Take that, yo.

So today was my bi-annual cleaning and it went splendidly… until the end. The hygienist (we will call her Shirley) asked me if I would “like a fluoride treatment.” I said, “yes,” because duh…I’m a grown-up. Responsible grown-ups get fluoride treatments. It’s in the handbook. Then Shirley told me that their office was now using the “paint-on” fluoride, and that I was “going to love it.”

Guys. Shirley lied. hardcore. I didn’t’ love it. Not at all even. In fact, it was kind of like hell. For the next six hours my teeth felt like they were wearing sweaters. Individually knit wool sweaters. For my teeth. All of them. And they were mint-esque flavored sweaters that made my Diet Coke taste weird (and french fries, if you must know). That fluoride tried to kill my teeth cleaning buzz….and I’m not going to let it. Ever. And definitely not next time.

And hey, Shirley? Your paint-on fluoride can suck an egg.

About a month ago Hermana Kjones and I visited a local Maverick and noticed an odd new drinking straw by the cash register.  The box was covered with horrible graphics and visually screamed “The Chiller!”  Curious as to their use, we asked the cashier.  She assured us they were “awesome.”  We laughed, and left.  Why would we buy a $1 aluminum straw, when the free ones work just fine?

Cut to this weekend when Miss Reale and I decided to throw down the money and make the purchase and HOLY CRAP!!! The Chiller! has blown my mind!

It’s amazing.  Honestly.  It’s worth 100 of anyones pennies.  Why?  You need to know why?  I’ll tell you why.  It keeps your drink cold, all the way to your lips.  I bet you didn’t even know you wanted that to happen…right?  Dudes, I’ve been drinking Diet Coke for years and I had no idea it could get better.

Well my friends, it did.  The game has changed. Completely. I’d exhort you to try it for yourselves.

My co-worker gave me this mug today that he picked up on a recent work trip.*

That’s all I have to say about that.

* Allegedly. I think there may be a much bigger story behind it than that…I’m trying to get to the bottom of it. I’ll keep y’all posted. In the mean time, just know my diet coke is being held in style.

So, here’s the thing, I’ve been really excited to finally see Garrison Starr perform live. I first heard her music about three days after the last time she played The Great SLC nearly four years ago. I was stoked when i got an email from her fan list saying she was finally coming back on the 27th at dear ol’ Kilby Court.

Yesterday, i went to Smith’s and bought the tickets and said “I’m looking for the tickets for tomorrow night’s show at Kilby… Garrison Star & Jay Nash.” The teller asked, “What day….who?” To which I replied, “Garrison Starr” (consider this clue one). 30 seconds later I swiped my card and walked away.

After a lovely dinner this evening (the 27th), sweet Andrea and I headed to the show. As we were walking in I noticed Angel Taylor (you know, the VH1 You oughta know artist that opened for Sister Brandi Carlile last year), standing near the stage entrance. I though it was odd she would be there since she was not on the listing I had seen for the show (this would be a good time to clue into how this story is going to end).

On Angel’s 2nd or 3rd song Andrea turned to me and said “I noticed the sign out front didn’t say Garrison” (clue three for you folks). At this point I decided I should check the ticket….and then I laughed. And then I showed Andrea the ticket. And then she laughed.

And now I will be enjoying the sweet songs of Miss Star later this week…on the 29th.

(As a bonus, I thoroughly enjoyed tonight’s music as well. Here’s a picture for those of you who need proof).

1.  What the crap are they wearing?

2. What are the commentators talking about?  (And I quote, “Their strengths are strong.”)

I do not get it, though I judge it.

A couple weeks ago my friend Erica asked me if I had ever tried the Chinese buffet here in town.  I answered no.  Then she told me they have a clown on Monday nights… and the I asked when we were going.

The “Chinese Gourmet” is one of those places you see so often, but never think try. There’s just something about 40 feet of neon love screaming at you, that makes it easy to skip*.   With the clown revelation, we decided it was time to go.

What I didn’t expect to see was the incredable variety of foods.  I mean, spring rolls, fried rice, scones,  and Mac ‘n Cheese at the same station? Genius.

After our first “real” round of food, we decided (kind of by accident), to have a ridicouls plate round. Erica came up big with the spring roll, mashed potatoes & gravy, cobbler and Jell-O plate.

I went for all yellow.

I dare say it was a success….well, except the clown was a no show.  At least there’s always the future.

*Last year the marquee proclaimed that David Archuletta could eat there for free, for life.

I vaguely remember hearing my fire alarm making the dead battery beep last night.  I woke up  this morning to find  a chair in the hall, the alarm ripped down, and the 9-volt battery thrown across the room.

Thank you Ambien.

This is not ok. At all.

This here blog got hacked by some waste-of-breathe idiot today. Apparently he or she thought all my friends would like to see a list of 50+ generic drug ads at the top of the page….I disagreed.

Snyder came to the rescue and cleaned the place up. Seriously, he is my rock star today. And I’m crazy grateful he was willing to stay up way too late to get the site back up.

So, while we circle the creative wagons and clean up a few more corners, the layout is going to look a bit blah. I assure you blah is much better than spammed. And as they say in real-world scenarios, thank you for your patience during our construction.